Top Ten Things Not To Say To Your Pharmacist

10.  "Five minutes ago." (In response to when would you like to pick up your prescription?) This is in no way funny. It makes me wish I was Edward Scissorhands and could reach out and Zoro you.
9.  "I'm picking up." (Followed by complete silence. No kidding, lady, are you really?? Would you like to say your name?  Or are you feeling lucky and do you want me to just turn around and pick one of the 400?)
8. "Where's the real pharmacist?" (To which my standard answer has become "McDonald's, she got hired as a shift supervisor.")
7. Nothing. Just fling your credit card down and stare at me like a prisoner just released from Death Row.  Manners no longer exist in today's world.  I just stare right back.  I'm there for 14 hours...I'll bet I can wait them out. Let's try this again..."Hi, how may I help you? Hello! I'm picking up for Minnie Mouse.  Here's her card.  There should be one prescription." Perfect!!!
6. "That prescription is supposed to be free. I don't pay for anything here." The term is "no charge." Learn it. And get a job.  I'm tired of supporting you and your 4 kids with all different last names. 
5. "You people." The company I work for is a name tag Nazi. My name is not "You People."  Have a little class.
4. "It costs how much??!!!??" Heaven forbid people take any initiative in learning about their prescription insurance plan.  Copays, deductibles, donut holes, and formularies are my responsibility to know for each and every single patient I come into contact with (Seriously do you think I have a roladex in my head?).  It's not a flea market or a yard sale...you can't barter down the price.
3. "I want to speak to your Manager." This is not a Waffle House.  I'm the bosslady.  If you don't like it please take your prescription for your #300 painkillers that you are going to crush and inject into your arm to another pharmacy. Thank you.
2. "You need to call my doctor."  You need to call your own doctor.  And no your doctor doesn't work on the weekends or holidays. Unlike you, he/she spent a million years and a million dollars on school and deserves to have those days off without being paged by you because you ran out of your dandruff shampoo. Plan ahead.  Your failure to plan is not my emergency.
1. "Do you have any blue Roxy's?" This area is crawling with drug abusers.  Several pain clinics across the brigde, along with several pill mills got shut down a little over a month ago.  They are like ants out of an anthill just run over by a mower tryinng to get their hands on narcotics right now.  It's crazy and scary.